Caring is Creepy

Guh! T_T

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 21:27:01 -0400

Complicatedness!

Day Ten: Songs you listen to when you are… Happy; Cute by...

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 16:44:54 -0400

Day Ten: Songs you listen to when you are…

Happy; Cute by Stephen Jerzak, The Ballad of Love and Hate by The Avett Brothers, All I Want is You by Barry Louis Palisar, I’m a Believer by Smash Mouth

Sad; The Part You Throw Away by Tom Waits, Somebody More Like You by Nickel Creek, Nothing Came Out by The Moldy Peaches, Electric Blue by the Cranberries

Hyped; Engwish Bwudd by Man Man, Bleed it Out by Linkin Park, Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria

Mad; I Don’t Care by Apocalyptica, Stupid Girl by Cold, anything by Breaking Benjamin, Red, Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, etc.

The audio file above is Electric Blue by the Cranberries (: I’m not sad at the moment, but I love the song.

Day Nine: Something you did within the past few days that you are proud of.

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:14:09 -0400

Decorating the cover of my sketchbook (:

This is not a dream...

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 16:57:21 -0400

My mom is late today picking me up.

When she pulls up and gets out of the car to let me in the drivers seat I ask why and she just shakes her head and goes to the passenger side. I pull out and drive over to exit out of the side entrance and I see a space for me to exit in the oncoming traffic so I start to go…momma yells “Wait! Stop!”

I stomp the breaks and say, “What?!” I had tons of room…

Then she finally tells me that I can pull out, so I do, then she tells me to pull into the fire station. She looks freaked out, like she’s just seen a ghost or something. We sit there in the lot at the station for at least five minutes. She’s just sitting there with her forehead pressed to her palm and that look on her face. Then suddenly she looks at me and says, “Can I drive home today?” I got out of the car and we switched. She sat there in the drivers seat for a few more minutes and then she pulls out. All the way home she drives at 35, 40 mph even when the speed limit is higher. Then at one turn she stops at the sign, looks for oncoming traffic. There is none but she doesn’t move. She just sits. Her hand reaches out toward all the AC buttons under the CD player and radio buttons and such. She looks confused, like there should be something there for her to push but it isn’t. After a few seconds, she pulls her hand back and continues driving.

We get home and as soon as she stops in the driveway she asks, “What’re you doing today, Cake?” This is the first normal thing she’s said since she showed up at the school to get me but I look over at her and the fear in her eyes is still there. The fear shows all over her face. The set of her lips, her eyebrows…I shrug. I’d planned to do what I always do. Laptop, drawing, TV, etc. Except that Jennifer is coming over so that we can finish a project for Psychology.

She stumbles through the yard, looking at the grass like there’s something hiding in it, she doesn’t even make a path straight to the porch. She takes detours, searching all the way.

Inside, I sit my stuff down and she asks, “Do you believe in luck and superstition?” I asked why and she just shrugged again. She left to go to her room and I went into the kitchen to fix myself some tea and a snack. While I’m putting the food in the microwave, she goes back past me to the other end of the house. I follow her when I see that she’s going into my room. What would she be doing in my room?

She stands in the doorway for a second, taking everything in, observing. Then comes the searching again. First on the top level of my desk shelves, then she slides over to stand in front of the window at the foot of my bed, staring at it—not outside of it, at the actual window—and the searching the floor below it and the vent near it. I step in and silently sit down at my desk, watching her. She turns around and asks, “Do you know CPR?” I tell her the procedure. She looks down at her feet, shifting her weight from one to the other and says, “I need shoes,” but makes no move to go get any. She starts to ask something else, “Do you remember…” but instead of finishing says, “No! This is crazy!”

I repeat her, “Do I remember?”

She shakes her head and whispers to herself repeatedly, “This is not a dream, this is not a dream…”

I say, “No, momma, you’re not in a dream.”

Then she looks at me and asks me if I will please not close my door today. I agree and she walks out saying, “I’ll be back.”

I follow her out to get the food that I’d left in the microwave and while I’m in there she says that we should open all the windows, I also see her cut the AC off. We open the ones in the kitchen, and then her room, and then she follows me (with my food this time) back across the house to open mine. Before I can touch the latch she says, “Be careful where you put your hands.”

I check before I open them. It strikes me odd that they were a lot harder to open than usual, although it may have been just because I was freaked out at the way mom was acting.

She checked the floor and the window sill at my other window and then she walks out again.

Day Eight: Short term goals for this month and why.

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:44:06 -0400

Get my license! I’m eligible this thursday, I just have to convince my mom to let me get it.
Hang out with all the cool people that I haven’t really seen since last school year.
Attend yoga! Which Jen will be instructing (:
History club?

Uhhh. Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s just about it. Haha. I don’t have a lot of set goals for myself at the moment.

Sometimes I really just want to go outside and scream at the top...

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 20:37:52 -0400

Sometimes I really just want to go outside and scream at the top of my lungs for as long as possible.

Went to see my new Nephew today.

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:11:48 -0400

He was super tiny! His name is David, like his Grandfather’s was. He had his Daddy’s nose. He slept most of the time, but when I held him I swear he opened his eyes and smiled at me.

When I see his father, Jonathan, I’m always astounded. He’s changed so much since he had his first little girl, Marina. Anyone who says that a person who’s made a lot of mistakes can’t change, Jonathan is living proof that you’re wrong. To be honest, he gives me a whole lot of hope.

Day Seven: A picture of someone/something that has had the...

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 16:23:00 -0400

Day Seven: A picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you.

Nik. She makes me want to be a better person.

Day Six: Favorite superhero and why. I’m gonna have to...

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 15:59:28 -0400

Day Six: Favorite superhero and why.

I’m gonna have to agree with Jen on this one. Wolverine is the best, although my reason is quite different…He’s just so obviously awesome it was inevitable that I choose him.

Day Five: A picture of somewhere you’ve been to. The...

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 20:31:08 -0400

Day Five: A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.

The absolute BEST place I’ve ever been was Alabama with my bbycake Selina, her family, and Jennifer(:

Day Four: A habit that you wish you didn't have.

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 16:08:30 -0400

The habit of never, ever studying, which is something that I’m going to try my best to break this year.

Day Three: A picture of me and my friends. Welllll, I’m...

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:34:09 -0400

Day Three: A picture of me and my friends.

Welllll, I’m giving you four pictures because they aren’t all in just one with me :/

I’m Shippin’ Off to Boston by the Dropkick...

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:17:33 -0400

I’m Shippin’ Off to Boston by the Dropkick Murphy’s! xD Give it a listen and it might just give you a smile.

Guess what? Ugh. Nevermind. You'll never get it!

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 23:21:14 -0400

I GOT A CAR TODAY! CH’YEAH! :D

"The question of whether hatred and love are not, in the end, the same is worth investigation. Each..."

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 23:09:02 -0400

“The question of whether hatred and love are not, in the end, the same is worth investigation. Each requires a great deal of intimacy to reach full development. Each requires that one person depend on another for their emotional and spiritual life. Each leaves the passionate lover—or the passionate hater—abandoned and depressed when his subject departs. And so, considered philosophically, the two passions seem essentially the same. One is thought of with a heavenly glow, while the other seems dark and disturbing. But they are remarkably similar.”

- The Scarlet Letter.

Day Two: The meaning behind your Tumblr name!

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 22:30:36 -0400

abominablecake…Uh. It’s pretty much the username that I use for all the gaming sites I play on and such. Ya know :P Cake is the name that my nephew calls me (long story) and abominable is just such a cool word. I like saying it. UH-BOMB-IN-UH-BULL ;D LOL. A bomb in a bull.

To him.

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 21:23:42 -0400

Screw you.

"All the kings horses and all the kings men…couldn’t put my heart back together again."

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 20:22:31 -0400

“All the kings horses and all the kings men…couldn’t put my heart back together again.”

- But you could.

Day One: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about...

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 20:06:05 -0400

Day One: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

I adore hats.
I watch 8 Mile when I’m bored. Seriously.
I have 3 different journals for 3 different reasons. One is for the usual journal stuff, another is to record my dreams, and the third is for things that I’d love to say to people but never will.
I’ve never smoked anything or done any sort of illegal drug.
I believe in soulmates, but not for myself.
When I’m home alone, I run around the house naked and burst into random song with no provocation other than my own desire to fill the emptiness.
I enjoy watching westerns.
Some of my best ideas have come to me while I was standing in the shower.
I like it when I’m driving with my dad and he turns my station from 107.5 to 98.1.
Some days I just sit around and look up interesting words in the dictionary. I record them all in my notebook.
I have entire conversations in my head with each story character that I think up.
Every night at 11:11, and every time I see one of those fluffy dandelions I make a wish even though not a single one of them has ever come true.
I strive beyond belief to gain my father’s absolute approval, because as opinionated as he is I know that if he knew everything about me, he’d be severely disappointed.
I have shoplifted.
I am now 16 years old and I still have an obsession with cute stuffed animals.

So, I decided to change the version of the 30 day challenge I'm doing and start over.

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 19:37:15 -0400

I found one that I like a lot better.

30 Day Challenge.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?